Wishing your partner was more considerate of the things you do for them and your home? Fed up with feeling unheard, unnoticed, or misunderstood? Concerned about the possibility of an affair or feeling like you no longer have anything in common?
All too often, when one person has decided they might want out, the other partner, sensing this, tries very hard to reconnect, hoping to save the relationship. Unfortunately, for many couples, this last-ditch effort to re-establish closeness can have the opposite effect. While it may have worked in the past, there comes a point when these attempts only seem to push the distant partner even further away.
We see all types of problems in our work. Some relationships struggle from the beginning. You may have always wondered whether you loved your partner more than they loved you, if you were the more committed one, or if you put in most of the effort. It’s surprising how many people carry wounds from how they got together—who proposed, how it happened, and whether they truly felt valued. Some feel they simply drifted into the relationship and were never really sure of their partner’s commitment. Others may have experienced or made a grand, “wow factor” proposal yet still harboured doubts about whether they had chosen the right person—especially when the fights began even before the wedding. It’s heartbreaking to see how these wounds can weigh on a relationship, but it’s beautiful to witness those doubts being explored and put to rest in a safe, supportive space.
Some couples start off strong, only to have an event or stressful time shake everything up. One of the most common challenges is the transition to parenting. Adjusting from being a (relatively) carefree couple to managing sleep deprivation and the relentless responsibility of small children puts every relationship to the test. Career changes, job loss, or the death of a loved one—along with other high-stress situations like moving or financial strain—can also take a toll. While many couples push through these challenges, they may feel the relationship has lost some of its spark.
Perhaps most commonly, relationships cycle between highs and lows. Many couples ride these ups and downs, even expecting them. The lows may not feel too difficult, and the highs can make the relationship even more rewarding. But when the low periods become unbearable and the good times feel few and far between, one person may begin to wonder whether it’s time to leave.
Take a moment to consider whether your relationship mirrors any of these patterns.
There are many themes that might resonate with you—the trust issue, the in-law dynamics, the sexual mismatch, the “I put in more than you” imbalance, or the “I can never get it right” criticism. As therapists, we can confidently say that no two couples come to us with the exact same set of problems. However, we often see couples grappling with similar challenges rooted in the same underlying themes.
This is why we love what we do—and why we can be so effective. Every couple is unique, bringing a fresh challenge for us to navigate as we tailor our approach to their specific circumstances and needs.
The therapist and couple work together to uncover the themes causing the greatest difficulties and then focus on resolving them. More and more, we find that most relationship struggles boil down to a few core questions: “Is your partner there for you?” “Can you count on them when you need them?” “Do they value you above all others?”
Even if you never attend relationship counselling, if you can find a way to make each other feel safe, valued, cared for, and prioritised, many of your challenges may no longer feel insurmountable.
It sounds simple, but in reality, many people—despite their best efforts—struggle to make their partner feel loved and appreciated. Years of negative experiences can cloud intentions, and heartfelt efforts are often misinterpreted or met with suspicion.
If counselling isn’t an option for you right now, we sincerely hope that the information on this site, along with our resources, offers some support during this time.
Does any of this sound familiar?
Have you been feeling ignored day after day? Does it seem like you’re putting in an unfair amount of effort around the house? Perhaps you’re managing the family finances, only to be told your work isn’t good enough.
Making significant compromises—whether sexually or in other areas—can build long-term resentment. You may have tried to raise these concerns, only to find it caused more conflict, making it easier to ignore the issues instead.
According to John and Julie Gottman, we all have an emotional bank account that needs regular deposits. When small frustrations pile up over time, they breed resentment and ultimately lead to emotional withdrawal.
In the language of Sue Johnson’s Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), one partner often becomes a pursuer, seeking connection and effort from the other, while the other plays the role of a withdrawer. Do you feel like you’re always the one pursuing, only to get nothing back? Or are you the withdrawer, trying to avoid conflict by shutting down?
Unfortunately, pursuers can burn out and become withdrawers themselves. When this happens, the pursuer may check out entirely, or the withdrawer might finally attempt to reconnect—only to find their partner has given up. No matter which role you play, it’s crucial to hear each other’s calls for connection and work to repair things together. If you’re unsure how, seeking counselling is vital—before it’s too late.
Working with one of our therapists provides a safe, respectful space where both partners can voice their feelings without falling into the same old cycle of criticism. It’s an opportunity to truly see things from each other’s perspectives. Often, getting your partner to really listen and understand is half the battle. In this supportive environment, breakthrough moments happen—helping you repair and strengthen your relationship in ways that can be difficult to achieve alone.
This could involve being lied to, gambling away joint funds, undisclosed or compulsive porn use, or even forming a close platonic relationship that leaves one partner feeling excluded and vulnerable. Trust can be eroded in many ways.
Trust is a recurring theme in relationship struggles. You might ask: “Can I trust you to do what you say you will?” “Can I trust that you’ll consider my needs?” Or perhaps, “I can’t trust that you’ll be there for me when I need you—because you always let me down.”
Rebuilding trust is one of the most challenging issues couples face, but it is possible. Our therapists use a range of techniques to help you and your partner become more open, feel safer, and gradually heal these wounds.
If you or your partner have experienced infidelity or are struggling with trust issues but can’t attend counselling, we encourage you to explore our resource list. We’ve compiled excellent readings on this crucial topic that may offer valuable insights and support.
Wondering if counselling can work for you? Curious about the benefits or how it works? Please visit our FAQ page.
